Let’s face it—first dates are like trailers to a full-length movie. They might not give away the whole plot, but they sure hint at whether the film is worth watching. Whether you’ve met someone through mutual friends or one of those free dating sites promising “real love with real people,” your job on that first date isn’t just to impress—it’s to observe. And sometimes, what you see isn’t all roses and candlelight.
Red Flag #1: They’re Glued to Their Phone
We’re all attached to our devices (we get it, TikTok is addictive), but if your date spends more time scrolling Instagram than listening to you, that’s a neon sign screaming “disrespect.” One woman shared in a Cosmopolitan article that her date was live-tweeting their dinner—including her outfit. Needless to say, she left before dessert. Unless it’s an emergency or they’re a surgeon on call (hot, but rare), a phone on the table is a dealbreaker.
Red Flag #2: They’re Rude to Staff
How someone treats people they don’t “need” to impress says a lot about them. If your date snaps at the waiter, refuses to say “please” or “thank you,” or acts entitled, take note. As Psychology Today warns, “lack of empathy in early encounters can predict future relational dissatisfaction.” Translation: today it’s the waiter, tomorrow it’s you.
Red Flag #3: They Overshare—or Don’t Share at All
Some people treat first dates like therapy sessions. If they dive headfirst into childhood trauma, bitter divorces, or that one time their ex “totally betrayed them,” it might be time to excuse yourself politely. On the flip side, if they dodge every personal question like they’re in witness protection, that’s also a warning sign. A little mystery is fine, but emotional walls on day one? Not ideal.
Even if you’ve met on free dating sites, where people can seem open in messages, in person it’s different. For example, one guy I know matched with someone who was charming online—but in person, she barely spoke, checked her watch every few minutes, and answered every question with “yeah, I guess.” Awkward? Yes. A red flag? Definitely.
Red Flag #4: The Ex Files
We’ve all got a past, but if your date brings up their ex more than once—or worse, compares you to them—it’s a no from us. Whether it’s “my ex never did this for me” or “you remind me of her,” you’re not a rebound therapist. As the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships notes, “unresolved emotional baggage is a primary contributor to early dating failures.” Don’t volunteer to carry someone else’s suitcase.
Red Flag #5: You Feel Uncomfortable, and You Don’t Know Why
Sometimes, it’s not something they say—it’s how they say it. Maybe they “joke” about your appearance or question your choices in a way that feels off. If you leave the date feeling drained, small, or confused, pay attention to that gut feeling. It’s your inner warning system, and it’s usually right.
First dates should be fun, flirty, and maybe a little bit awkward—but not emotionally exhausting. Remember, the goal isn’t just to be liked. It’s to find someone who deserves you. Don’t let charm blind you to the signs that something isn’t right. Whether you’re navigating dating apps, setups, or free dating sites, your time and energy are valuable. If something feels off, it probably is. And hey—if the first date’s a flop, at least now you’ve got a great story to tell your group chat.
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